Regrets. No regrets and move forward!

regrets always come at the end. cliche, eh? but that’s how it is.

i wish i had discovered my passion in life earlier. when i was in college, i never knew what i really want to do in life, as in which field i want to work for the rest of my life. since it was very common for us, indonesian students, to take business as our major, so i just go with the flow. i took business as my major, studying specifically in finance and management. 

now, being a graduated student of a major that i don’t have passion about, i feel so empty. i know that i wouldn’t be enjoying the work i have to do later on. i wouldn’t be looking forward going to work. it would be just a mundane day that i have to go through everyday. a very same cycle of boredom. a cycle of an “obligation” in life. a cycle to just keep myself “alive” and “being properly feed”. 

if i could turn back the time, i surely know what i want to do! 100% or even 110% SURE! cause now i know what i really want to do in life, for the rest of my life. it wouldn’t be just a mundane day, it wouldn’t just be a same cycle of boredom, it wouldn’t be just a cycle of “obligations” in life, and it wouldn’t be just a cycle of keeping myself “alive” and “being properly feed”! everyday would be anEXTRAORDINARY DAY, it would be a cycle of EXCITEMENT, it would be a time to DISCOVERED SOMETHING NEW, and it would be a LIFETIME EXPERIENCE! cause i know that taking Criminal Investigation/Crime Scene Evidence Analysis/Criminal Justice as my major would keep my SPIRIT ALIVE! i know i would looking forward to go to work everyday. how i wish i could turn back the time or it would be more logical to say “how i wish i had discovered my passion in life earlier”

now, it has all been too late. all that is left now is regrets. but you know what, rather than just regretting of all the things that have happened, i would rather just strive to make the best of it. who knows, someday in the future i might get a chance to go back to school and pursue this dream job. 

Dear John

Just finished reading Dear John by Nicholas Sparks.

This was the first novel I've really been shed a lot of tears on.

Learn the true meaning of Love.

I was really enjoyed reading the book.

Some people might say that it's kind of depressing, but somehow (just being too mellow), I really like this kind of book, an inspirational book.

A book from where I can really learn something valuable, even though it might cost my tears :p

A book that could make me want to do something extraordinary, something unthinkable.

Few of my favorite quotes from the book:

"Happiness is contagious."

"True love means that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

"Doing the right thing wasn't easy."

I am really looking forward to read more books by Nicholas Sparks. I really found him to be one of the best novel's writers these days, who isn't just offering great & easy-reading unpredictable stories, but as well as teaching us some valuable morals in life.

My Simple Christmas Wish :)

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas :)

Hugs & Kisses,

~Pam~

Thanksgiving Weekend

Stayed in Seattle for Thanksgiving break? It was not a bad idea after all!

My best friend from high school came to visit Seattle, along with his sweet girlfriend, as well as his spoiled little brother :)

I just love how we spent our days. Laughters. Craziness. Prank. First-time hugging. Jokes. Openness. Affections. Love. Friendships

. Caring. and many other

FUN things.

Spending the days with all my beloved ones was a moment that is worth to be written in my book of life :)

Walking in Love

Woohoo~! Since the last 3 weeks ago, I have been so happy, everyday.

The reason? It's so simple! I have been walking in love :)

After being in a stagnant mode for a while, I've once again tasted the presence of God in my life. It's been sooo real! *can't really describe it with words ;p* And I'm so blessed since then. When I walked out of that Sunday service, I felt so different. Life seems simpler. My life becomes happier. My problems do not suddenly solved nor gone. Yet, I can overcome it with smiles.

Meanwhile, I have also been reading the book by Gary Chapman called "The Five Love Languages". On one of its chapter, he stated that, "Learning to love others is the fastest way to receive love". Just like any other person who read those kind of wisdom words, I would also like to give it a try. And I start doing it. Whatever people do to me, I try not to judge them or hate them. No excuse, at first, I would feel mad, but I don't piled up my anger. Instead, I always try to neutralize it before I go to bed every night. Thus, I'll wake up with smiles everyday and ready to spread out more love for the day.

As I said earlier, as I decided to walk in love, my problems are still there. It's now a matter of how you want to solve the problem. It's a matter of how you want to face it. Either you want to face it with anger, disappointment, frustration, and bitterness OR either you want to face it with smiles, hopes, openness, and love. These two options will bring you to a totally different end: destruction or construction. For me, I'll choose the second option. For every problem I face, I want to end it with a smiles and some positively life changing experience :)

The Hawaiian Days!

The five days I spent in Hawaii was the most peaceful days this year..

It's the moment when I could get away from all those "stains", both the old and the new stain..

It's the moment when I could just have a lot of fun & experienced a lot of new stuffs

It's the moment when I didn't have a lot of problems to think about

It's the BEST time of the year!

If I could stay longer, maybe I would be able to erase those "stains"

If I could stay longer, maybe I would be able to open up a new chapter of my life

If I could stay forever, I would be so grateful because I wouldn't have to deal with all those memories

If I could stay forever, I would have new stories to write

Stories full of sunshine, laughter, happiness, and peacefulness!

Not stories full of rain, tears, sorrow, and uncertainty

If and only IF..

In reality, here I am, coming back to the chapter of rain, tears, sorrow, and uncertainty..

PS: Hawaii, my sweetheart, I'll visit you again soon! And let's ROCK the house!!

Love Hurts

Why does love hurts?

Why does it brings so much pain to those who believe in it?

Why does it brings so much tears?

Why does it cause so much misery?

Why does it can't be loyal?

Isn't it suppose to bring happiness to those who believe in it?

Isn't it suppose to bring joy into our lives?

Isn't it suppose to bring smiles?

Kenapa juga gue bisa mengeluarkan statement kayak gini?

I used to think kalo love itu emang bring happiness, smiles, and joy to those who believe in it

Dari dulu gue selalu mikir kalo di dalam cinta itu gak ada penderitaan, gak ada sakit hati, gak ada air mata, dan gak ada pengkhianatan

Dulu gue selalu mikir kalo cinta itu isinya cuman yang indah2 doank..

Tapi sekarank, semuanya BEDA!

Setelah mengalami sendiri dan ngeliat orang2 di sekitar gue yang banyak banget disakitin sama yang namanya cinta, gue gak bakal banyak menaruh harapan kalo cinta itu bakal kasih gw kebahagiaan yang gak terkira kayak yang biasa gue liat di dongeng2 masa kecil..

Tapi, meskipun gue sekarank tau pahitnya cinta, gue gak bakal berhenti mencinta

Biar gimana pun, menurut gue manusia gak bisa hidup tanpa cinta

Sejahat2nya orang, pasti punya rasa cinta dalam hatinya

Seberapa pun gue udah disakitin sama yang namanya cinta, gue gak bakal takut untuk sekali lagi memberikan cinta

Gue banyak belajar saat cinta itu nyakitin gue

Gue lebih banyak tau gimana cinta yang sebenarnya

Cinta gak perlu memiliki

Cinta harus saling mengerti

Cinta harus bisa saling memahami

Cinta harus bisa terus melangkah

Cinta gak boleh berenti saat cinta yang kita harapkan itu meninggalkan kita

Cinta pernah ngasih kita hidup dan harapan

Dan mungkin cinta itu juga yang udah ngambil hidup dan harapan kita

Cuman, kita musti bisa ngerti kalo cinta itu gak selalu indah,

kalo emang cinta itu bukan untuk kita

Cuman gue yakin, kalo emang cinta itu untuk kita,

sekali lagi kita akan ngerasain indahnya cinta

Dan kali ini, cinta itu gak akan pernah pergi lagi dari kehidupan kita

Cinta itu bakal menemani hari2 kita sampai kita tua nanti

So, don't be afraid to fall in love..! ^_^

Yesterday

I just can't believe that you're gone

I thought that I've known so well

I feel like I've known you my whole life

In fact, I known little about you

So little that I can't even remember all the days we had

So short that it's so hard for me to recall all the memories

Yet, I'm so glad that I had you in my life

So glad that you've become an important part in my life

So glad that half of me is yours

You might be gone for now

You might not be here by my side

But I know that you'll always be there for me

Watching me from afar

Watching every step that I take

Watching me to grow old day by day

Watching me how some of your personalities are inside of me

Though you might not be here with me

I'll always love you

Loving you as high as the sky above

Loving you as deep as the ocean below

My love for you will never end

I know for sure that I'll see you again someday

Reconciling with abundance of joy and love

And the tears of happiness

Seeing you again is one of the highest dream I would like to achieve

I'll come running and hug you with all my strength

I will say how much I love you

I will say how much I miss you

I will say how much I need you

They might have taken away the plans we made

They might have taken away the music we never play

They might have taken away the places we said we will go

They might have taken the future that we'll never know

Yet, I should always be thankful for everyday

And I would always hold YESTERDAY in my heart...

Masalah & Perkara

Cape deh. Masalah tuh kayaknya gak pernah ada abisnya deh.

Blom yang satu selesai, udah ada lagi masalah yang lain.

Dan lebih kerennya lagi, masalah itu tambah lama yang dateng tambah rumit lho.

Cape gak sih?

Tapi yah, menurut gw, hidup itu bakalan lebih berwarna kalo ada masalah.

Emang sih saat waktu masalah itu lagi dateng, kayaknya hidup itu nyebelin banget.

Lo bakalan berasa kalo Tuhan gak adil sama lo.

Bakalan ada banyak air mata, rasa marah, derita, kecewa, cemburu, gelisah, dan rasa benci.

Tapi justru dari masalah2 itu, hidup gak bakalan basi.

Serasa lebih banyak warnanya.

Nanti abis masalah itu selesai, lo bakalan bisa ketawa pas lagi inget2 sama masalah lo yang dulu.

Dari masalah itu juga, lo bakalan bisa belajar untuk menjadi lebih dewasa.

Tambah pengalaman hidup. Kalo kata orang tua, jadi tambah banyak makan garam dunia.

Caelaaaahh! Gaya abis!

Masalah masalah masalah. Kenapa sih kok lo gak pernah berenti dateng?

Seneng banget yah sama kita2??

Gak punya temen di dunia lo sendiri?

Cape deh sama lo!

Kalo lo visible, bisa kali gw injek2 pukul2 cubit2 gigit2 sekalian!

Tapi, mau juga ah bilang terima kasih sama lo.

Kalo gak ada lo, mungkin hidup gw bakalan gitu2 aja.

Gak ada gairah gitu kalo bahasa kerennya!

Selama gue masih bisa bernafas, pasti lo bakal dengan setia datang berkunjung.

Dan sebisa mungkin, gue bakal selalu menyapa lo dengan hangat.

Karena dengan adanya lo dalam kehidupan gue, gue bisa lebih mengerti banyak tentang kehidupan.

Lebih bisa mengerti untuk siapa gue hidup.

Lebih bisa mengerti untuk apa gue hidup.

Aiming for the vertex!

It's just the third day of the year, yet already got a lot of things to think about.

Since a few days before the end of the year, my patient was really being tested.

I don't think I'm mature enough because I still can't control my anger.

Hearing all those words repeatedly, it made me think about who I used to be.

It's true that I'm changing.

I though I was changing into a better person.

Yet, I'm changing into the other side.

Who am I?

Come to think about it, I really miss the OLD me.

I'm not talking about my spiritual life here.

I'm talking about my character when I was younger.

I used to be a very obedient girl.

Didn't know all those branded things.

I lived simple. Thought simply.

Yet HAPPY and FOCUS.

I miss that OLD me.

Now in this new year, I am aiming for that old characters of me..

Aiming for another vertex of my life..

The vertex that just simply PURE and SIMPLE..

I want to go back HOME..