W-H-Y

A lot of things came through my mind lately
Making me unable to sleep tightly
A lot of questions that I want to know what the answers are
A lot of memories that making me unable to stop my tears
A lot of "why"
A word that I shouldn't use to represent my feelings
Anger, sadness, rejection, disappointment, discouragement
But I can't keep the word from coming
Even though I keep reminding myself that everything happened for a good reason,
The word keep haunting my mind

I want to know "why" these things can't stop from happening
Why I keep falling to the same hole again and again
Why I keep crying for the same problem
Why I keep loving the same person
Why I can't be brave enough to let go my feeling
Why I don't want to move on
Why I keep holding to the air
Why I can't learn the lesson
...Why Why Why...

I keep myself drowning with the problems
Problems that has turned me into a person I don't want to be
A person who I avoid
A person with unpleasant characteristics
A person with so little faith
A person full of pride
A person full of negative thinking
A person full of anger
A person full of disappointment
A person full of hatred

Will I ever be able to be a better person?
Will I ever be able to get out of this problem?
Will I ever be able to move on with my life?
Will I ever be able to let go offenses?
Will I ever be able to move on?
Will I ever be able to stand up by myself?

sCaRs

It's because of my own stupidity

That now I have a scar on my body
A scar that will never fade away
A scar that will always remind me of my own stupidity
A scar that will always remind me of how painful it is when it landed on my skin

It's also because of my own stupidity

That now I have a scar in my heart

It will never be as perfect as before

It will make me see love in a different way

Yet, this scar will always reminds me
Of how beautiful love was
Of how beautiful love is
Of how beautiful love will be

At first, I was scared to fall in love again
Because it has hurt me deeply inside
But, what will my life be without love?


Love is the thing that keeps me alive
Love has made me strong
Love has helped me to recover
Love has taught me how to make the person you love happy
Love has made me realize that,
you don't have to be with the person you love to be happy
Love has made me grow

I am now not afraid to fall in love again
I am now ready to love myself more
I am now ready to love everyone unconditionally
I will keep spreading out my love to all people around me
I will keep my heart alive, always ^^

kEnanGan maniS

Di saat itu aku ada
Di saat ini aku tak ada
Aku tak mau lagi ada
Berjalan bersamamu menyenangkanku
Berjalan bersamaku menyakitimu
Aku akan berjalan menjauh
Pergi dari hari-harimu
Meninggalkanmu berdiri sendiri

Biarkan kenangan itu menjadi kenangan manis
Kenangan manis yang akan selalu membuatku tersenyum
dikala aku mengingatnya
Kenangan manis yang akan selalu kuingat

Terima kasih di saat itu kamu ada
Terima kasih telah meninggalkan senyum dalam hari-hariku
Terima kasih atas semua perhatianmu
Terima kasih kamu telah menuntunku
Terima kasih telah menjadikan aku seperti yang sekarang
Terima kasih untuk semua kenangan itu
Terima kasih cinta...

mOvinG On

It took me days after days, weeks after weeks, and months after months to get to where I am right now.
It is now when I finally gave up protecting what I have.
It is now when I finally get out from my comfort zone, a very comfortable zone.
Inside the comfort zone, I have learned a lot of things, things that I'm sure will turn me into a better person.
Also inside the comfort zone, I have learned to give all my love, the unconditional love.

Yet, this love I gave has hurt the person I love.
Giving you all the attention was a mistake.
Making you dependent.
And unable to socialize.
Taking you to the wrong circle of friends.

Coming out from the comfort zone will hurt me deeply for a while,
but I believe that everything will be better afterwards.
If in the end we will be happy, then the tears I've shed will be worth it.
I will keep doing what I'm doing right now.
Keep MOVING ON...


PS: I Love You...

LeTtinG gO oF oFFensEs

"(You should) be exceedingly glad on this account, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, so that of your faith may be tested, which is infinitely more precious than the perishable gold which is tested and purified by fire. To redound to praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" - 1Peter1:6-7

After reading this verses, i become understand that every time I am tempted to be offended and upset, my FAITH is being tried; to test the QUALITY in me.

Every relationship test is an opportunity to glorify the work of GOD in me as a testimony to those watching me endure the offense.

Sadly, i am still unable to be a good living testimony for people around me. When i was fighting with my friend, i was still bragging and complaining about why we fought over things to my other friends. I became so emotional and easily offended. When we fought, i will suddenly became an unhappy person, i can suddenly be a person who looked like having a lot of bitterness inside of me.

However, i am now really in the process of changing to be a better person. I really don't want to get easily offended and upset. I want to be a person who is able to glorify the work of God in me as a testimony to those watching me endure the offense. HE promised that nothing will harm us in any way, for God is letting the temptations to come in order to test my FAITH in Him and glorify His name through it. I know for sure that HE will give me the energy i need to treat people right...