Regrets. No regrets and move forward!

regrets always come at the end. cliche, eh? but that’s how it is.

i wish i had discovered my passion in life earlier. when i was in college, i never knew what i really want to do in life, as in which field i want to work for the rest of my life. since it was very common for us, indonesian students, to take business as our major, so i just go with the flow. i took business as my major, studying specifically in finance and management. 

now, being a graduated student of a major that i don’t have passion about, i feel so empty. i know that i wouldn’t be enjoying the work i have to do later on. i wouldn’t be looking forward going to work. it would be just a mundane day that i have to go through everyday. a very same cycle of boredom. a cycle of an “obligation” in life. a cycle to just keep myself “alive” and “being properly feed”. 

if i could turn back the time, i surely know what i want to do! 100% or even 110% SURE! cause now i know what i really want to do in life, for the rest of my life. it wouldn’t be just a mundane day, it wouldn’t just be a same cycle of boredom, it wouldn’t be just a cycle of “obligations” in life, and it wouldn’t be just a cycle of keeping myself “alive” and “being properly feed”! everyday would be anEXTRAORDINARY DAY, it would be a cycle of EXCITEMENT, it would be a time to DISCOVERED SOMETHING NEW, and it would be a LIFETIME EXPERIENCE! cause i know that taking Criminal Investigation/Crime Scene Evidence Analysis/Criminal Justice as my major would keep my SPIRIT ALIVE! i know i would looking forward to go to work everyday. how i wish i could turn back the time or it would be more logical to say “how i wish i had discovered my passion in life earlier”

now, it has all been too late. all that is left now is regrets. but you know what, rather than just regretting of all the things that have happened, i would rather just strive to make the best of it. who knows, someday in the future i might get a chance to go back to school and pursue this dream job. 

Walking in Love

Woohoo~! Since the last 3 weeks ago, I have been so happy, everyday.

The reason? It's so simple! I have been walking in love :)

After being in a stagnant mode for a while, I've once again tasted the presence of God in my life. It's been sooo real! *can't really describe it with words ;p* And I'm so blessed since then. When I walked out of that Sunday service, I felt so different. Life seems simpler. My life becomes happier. My problems do not suddenly solved nor gone. Yet, I can overcome it with smiles.

Meanwhile, I have also been reading the book by Gary Chapman called "The Five Love Languages". On one of its chapter, he stated that, "Learning to love others is the fastest way to receive love". Just like any other person who read those kind of wisdom words, I would also like to give it a try. And I start doing it. Whatever people do to me, I try not to judge them or hate them. No excuse, at first, I would feel mad, but I don't piled up my anger. Instead, I always try to neutralize it before I go to bed every night. Thus, I'll wake up with smiles everyday and ready to spread out more love for the day.

As I said earlier, as I decided to walk in love, my problems are still there. It's now a matter of how you want to solve the problem. It's a matter of how you want to face it. Either you want to face it with anger, disappointment, frustration, and bitterness OR either you want to face it with smiles, hopes, openness, and love. These two options will bring you to a totally different end: destruction or construction. For me, I'll choose the second option. For every problem I face, I want to end it with a smiles and some positively life changing experience :)

Aiming for the vertex!

It's just the third day of the year, yet already got a lot of things to think about.

Since a few days before the end of the year, my patient was really being tested.

I don't think I'm mature enough because I still can't control my anger.

Hearing all those words repeatedly, it made me think about who I used to be.

It's true that I'm changing.

I though I was changing into a better person.

Yet, I'm changing into the other side.

Who am I?

Come to think about it, I really miss the OLD me.

I'm not talking about my spiritual life here.

I'm talking about my character when I was younger.

I used to be a very obedient girl.

Didn't know all those branded things.

I lived simple. Thought simply.

Yet HAPPY and FOCUS.

I miss that OLD me.

Now in this new year, I am aiming for that old characters of me..

Aiming for another vertex of my life..

The vertex that just simply PURE and SIMPLE..

I want to go back HOME..

Being So Nocturnal & Getting Old

I really want to sleep.. But I just can't!

Everytime I tried to close my eyes and want to set my soul free to fly, I always FAILED!

I need sleep! It was one of the most important things in my life before!

I used to need at least 8 hours of sleep everyday..

Yet, I can stay awake for more than 35 hours straight!

How could it be?? >_<

Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!

*Maybe I should drink a sleeping pill ;p*

Anyway, I'm 21 now!! I'm LEGAL!! Yeayyyyy!!

So excited! Well, not that excited actually..

Time to grow, time to be more mature, time to get serious!

Less time goofing around. And bare more responsibilities!

Wohoooo!! The time has comeee to grow olddddddd *sighhh*

Let's just enjoy the journey! And live to the fullest!

I will not worry cause He's walking beside me ^^

I know I'll be GOOD in His hands..

Love U..

Mediocre mode: OFF!!

Fall'08 retreat?! I was really looking forward to it!

Never really been so excited about going to a retreat..

I really expect a lot of things to happen in this retreat!

And you know what? Conviction after conviction fall upon me..

All that was said is so relevant to my situation..

God really spoke to me!

I was so struck by what He said to me..

Lately, I was so distracted by my worldly-life

I lose my first priority

I kept going to the wrong direction

At first, I did a lot of reasoning inside my mind

In order to make myself right in front of Him and everyone around me

My motives were not wrong, but I can't do it my way

I have to do it HIS way!

God called me back to His warm presence

I can't run away anymore!

The TIME has come

Time to be serious

Time to be faithful

Time to follow His way

He's second coming is getting nearer

How long will I have to run away from His PRESENCE?

I want to REFOCUS!

I want to faithfully committed to Him

What He told me to do might not be according to my convenience

But, I believe that His way is always the BEST way to follow

For my way is not His way, and His way is not my way

I just want to be faithful

Living a live that is pleasing in His eyes

Always put His kingdom first in my life

I want Jesus to be my First Love!

A love that will always on FIRE!

A love that will never perish!

Even though I'm a sinful person

He still love me

He still care for me

He accepts me for who I am

How could this be?

How could He loves me so TENDERLY?

And never reminisce of my sins & disobedient

After all the things I have done to Him

After all the sliding back of my Faith

He still shows me how faithful He is to me!

You're such an AMAZING GOD!

I'm astonished by your Great Love!

You know my very exact needs

You answer my prayer

You calm my heart

You give confirmations

You planned the BEST plan for my life

Last Wednesday, I reached my limit of taking finance as my major

I've been struggling whether or not should I change my major

I felt that I would not be able to be successful in Finance

Since I never have passion about it

After being so discourage and being so ready to change my major

God confirmed what I should take as my major

That night, I said inside inside my heart

Due to some reason, if I couldn't change my FINC 344 class to FINC 343 class

I would definitely change my major

I've been trying to create reliable excuses that I could give to my supervisor

Finance class is always become a class that will be full in the first day of registration

And I've heard before that it would be impossible for me to get into the FINC 343 class

Because it as been overloaded by 10 people

I really didn't know what to do

But you know what,

The next morning, I got a phone call from my supervisor

She asked me whether I want to change my FINC 344 class to FINC 343

I was just so speechless at that moment

From so many students in FINC 344 class, why did she chose me?

Directly, I know that it's God who worked in my situation

He knows my deepest needs

He also gave me confirmation about my major

He directs me to the wonderful plan He has planned beforehand for me

Jesus is the LIVING GOD!

Jesus never fails to show how POWERFUL He is!

"But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" ~ Matthew 6:33

What To Do When Trouble Comes

Today's daily devotional was really helpful in helping me to get through my problem..

Here's what it says..

"Fight the good fight of the faith" ~ 1 Timothy 6:12

Sooner or later we all have some trouble in life.

We all have some trials and tribulations.

Everybody goes through times of testing.

And not every storm shows up in the forecast.

Some days we can wake up and think everything is going to be great.

Before that day is over, we may be tested by all kinds of trouble we were not expecting.

Trouble is part of life, so we simply have to be ready for it.

We need to have a planned response to trouble, because it is more difficult to get strong after trouble comes.

It is better to be prepared by staying strong.

The first thing you need to do when trouble comes is pray, "God, help me stay emotionally stable."

Do not let your emotions overwhelm you.

The next thing you need to do is trust God.

The instant that fear rises up, pray.

Stay emotionally stable, trust God, and pray.

Then while you are waiting for God to answer, simply keep doing good.

Keep your commitments.

Do not stop serving the Lord just because you have a problem.

The greatest time in the world to keep your commitments to God is in the midst of difficulty and adversity.

When the devil sees that trials and tribulations won't stop you, he will stop troubling you for a while.

To be prepared for the next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, practice saying, "I am going to be faithful to God, and God is going to give me double for my trouble. Satan, you thought you were going to hurt me, but I am going to get a double blessing, because I am one who diligently seeks the Lord."

LeTtinG gO oF oFFensEs

"(You should) be exceedingly glad on this account, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, so that of your faith may be tested, which is infinitely more precious than the perishable gold which is tested and purified by fire. To redound to praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" - 1Peter1:6-7

After reading this verses, i become understand that every time I am tempted to be offended and upset, my FAITH is being tried; to test the QUALITY in me.

Every relationship test is an opportunity to glorify the work of GOD in me as a testimony to those watching me endure the offense.

Sadly, i am still unable to be a good living testimony for people around me. When i was fighting with my friend, i was still bragging and complaining about why we fought over things to my other friends. I became so emotional and easily offended. When we fought, i will suddenly became an unhappy person, i can suddenly be a person who looked like having a lot of bitterness inside of me.

However, i am now really in the process of changing to be a better person. I really don't want to get easily offended and upset. I want to be a person who is able to glorify the work of God in me as a testimony to those watching me endure the offense. HE promised that nothing will harm us in any way, for God is letting the temptations to come in order to test my FAITH in Him and glorify His name through it. I know for sure that HE will give me the energy i need to treat people right...

pReCioUs aNciEnT iBoOk

wOhooOoo...! i really love my first and precious ancient laptop, the iBook G4!

hErE is why i love it soooo much....

yesterday, when i was listening to music, it suddenly broke down!
i was so shocked. i thought it's going to be dead FOREVER!
the same kind of broke down happened to my iPod before,
and it never turn back on again...

i was so frustrated that moment. don't know what to do besides taking off the battery.
but it seems to be no effect at the moment.
so, i just left it charging while i went to school.

yet, miracle happened! *thank you Lord!! love U so much!!*
after i got back home after classes, i took off the battery for one more time,
and try to turn it on!
miraculously, it did turn back ON!!
wOhooooOoo!!!
tEnkyU tenKyu tenkYu LoRd!!

and i also love you, my PrEciOus aNciEnT iBoOk G4!
will always love you and will always treasure you, even after the new one has come ^^

Tough LovE

Where am i right now?
Which state am i in?

Tough week
Learning the Tough Love
Learning with tears
Til' no more tears can be shed

A week of pretending to be happy
A week of questions
A week of disappointment
A week of anger
A week of fake smiles
A week of reflection
A week to learn the Tough Love

Waking up from the sweet dreams
Time to face the reality
Time to be more mature
Time to sacrifice own feelings
Time to care for others
Time to do some actions
Time to learn the Tough Love

Thank you for teaching me the Tough Love
Loving You is the sweetest thing
Loving You giving me hope
Loving You give me encouragement
Loving You make me strong
Loving You make me grow
Loving You is like breathing
I will never stop loving You