Walking in Love

Woohoo~! Since the last 3 weeks ago, I have been so happy, everyday.

The reason? It's so simple! I have been walking in love :)

After being in a stagnant mode for a while, I've once again tasted the presence of God in my life. It's been sooo real! *can't really describe it with words ;p* And I'm so blessed since then. When I walked out of that Sunday service, I felt so different. Life seems simpler. My life becomes happier. My problems do not suddenly solved nor gone. Yet, I can overcome it with smiles.

Meanwhile, I have also been reading the book by Gary Chapman called "The Five Love Languages". On one of its chapter, he stated that, "Learning to love others is the fastest way to receive love". Just like any other person who read those kind of wisdom words, I would also like to give it a try. And I start doing it. Whatever people do to me, I try not to judge them or hate them. No excuse, at first, I would feel mad, but I don't piled up my anger. Instead, I always try to neutralize it before I go to bed every night. Thus, I'll wake up with smiles everyday and ready to spread out more love for the day.

As I said earlier, as I decided to walk in love, my problems are still there. It's now a matter of how you want to solve the problem. It's a matter of how you want to face it. Either you want to face it with anger, disappointment, frustration, and bitterness OR either you want to face it with smiles, hopes, openness, and love. These two options will bring you to a totally different end: destruction or construction. For me, I'll choose the second option. For every problem I face, I want to end it with a smiles and some positively life changing experience :)

Love Hurts

Why does love hurts?

Why does it brings so much pain to those who believe in it?

Why does it brings so much tears?

Why does it cause so much misery?

Why does it can't be loyal?

Isn't it suppose to bring happiness to those who believe in it?

Isn't it suppose to bring joy into our lives?

Isn't it suppose to bring smiles?

Kenapa juga gue bisa mengeluarkan statement kayak gini?

I used to think kalo love itu emang bring happiness, smiles, and joy to those who believe in it

Dari dulu gue selalu mikir kalo di dalam cinta itu gak ada penderitaan, gak ada sakit hati, gak ada air mata, dan gak ada pengkhianatan

Dulu gue selalu mikir kalo cinta itu isinya cuman yang indah2 doank..

Tapi sekarank, semuanya BEDA!

Setelah mengalami sendiri dan ngeliat orang2 di sekitar gue yang banyak banget disakitin sama yang namanya cinta, gue gak bakal banyak menaruh harapan kalo cinta itu bakal kasih gw kebahagiaan yang gak terkira kayak yang biasa gue liat di dongeng2 masa kecil..

Tapi, meskipun gue sekarank tau pahitnya cinta, gue gak bakal berhenti mencinta

Biar gimana pun, menurut gue manusia gak bisa hidup tanpa cinta

Sejahat2nya orang, pasti punya rasa cinta dalam hatinya

Seberapa pun gue udah disakitin sama yang namanya cinta, gue gak bakal takut untuk sekali lagi memberikan cinta

Gue banyak belajar saat cinta itu nyakitin gue

Gue lebih banyak tau gimana cinta yang sebenarnya

Cinta gak perlu memiliki

Cinta harus saling mengerti

Cinta harus bisa saling memahami

Cinta harus bisa terus melangkah

Cinta gak boleh berenti saat cinta yang kita harapkan itu meninggalkan kita

Cinta pernah ngasih kita hidup dan harapan

Dan mungkin cinta itu juga yang udah ngambil hidup dan harapan kita

Cuman, kita musti bisa ngerti kalo cinta itu gak selalu indah,

kalo emang cinta itu bukan untuk kita

Cuman gue yakin, kalo emang cinta itu untuk kita,

sekali lagi kita akan ngerasain indahnya cinta

Dan kali ini, cinta itu gak akan pernah pergi lagi dari kehidupan kita

Cinta itu bakal menemani hari2 kita sampai kita tua nanti

So, don't be afraid to fall in love..! ^_^

Yesterday

I just can't believe that you're gone

I thought that I've known so well

I feel like I've known you my whole life

In fact, I known little about you

So little that I can't even remember all the days we had

So short that it's so hard for me to recall all the memories

Yet, I'm so glad that I had you in my life

So glad that you've become an important part in my life

So glad that half of me is yours

You might be gone for now

You might not be here by my side

But I know that you'll always be there for me

Watching me from afar

Watching every step that I take

Watching me to grow old day by day

Watching me how some of your personalities are inside of me

Though you might not be here with me

I'll always love you

Loving you as high as the sky above

Loving you as deep as the ocean below

My love for you will never end

I know for sure that I'll see you again someday

Reconciling with abundance of joy and love

And the tears of happiness

Seeing you again is one of the highest dream I would like to achieve

I'll come running and hug you with all my strength

I will say how much I love you

I will say how much I miss you

I will say how much I need you

They might have taken away the plans we made

They might have taken away the music we never play

They might have taken away the places we said we will go

They might have taken the future that we'll never know

Yet, I should always be thankful for everyday

And I would always hold YESTERDAY in my heart...

Aiming for the vertex!

It's just the third day of the year, yet already got a lot of things to think about.

Since a few days before the end of the year, my patient was really being tested.

I don't think I'm mature enough because I still can't control my anger.

Hearing all those words repeatedly, it made me think about who I used to be.

It's true that I'm changing.

I though I was changing into a better person.

Yet, I'm changing into the other side.

Who am I?

Come to think about it, I really miss the OLD me.

I'm not talking about my spiritual life here.

I'm talking about my character when I was younger.

I used to be a very obedient girl.

Didn't know all those branded things.

I lived simple. Thought simply.

Yet HAPPY and FOCUS.

I miss that OLD me.

Now in this new year, I am aiming for that old characters of me..

Aiming for another vertex of my life..

The vertex that just simply PURE and SIMPLE..

I want to go back HOME..

Static Moment

What should I do now?

I'm really confused for what's happening to me right now.

I have no more idea that can help me to make things better.

I have tried my best before.

I have gone over my limit.

Pouring all the patience I have to face the problem.

The patience that usually run out short.

But now, my heart can't endure it any more.

It's been gone way far beyond my limit.

What should I do now?

I really want to make things better.

So all of us can hang out and share the laughter together.

For now, it's all seems impossible.

All that exist now is just an awkwardness and hesitation.

Some part of me really want to love you unconditionally.

Yet, the other part of me still can't tolerate the way you behave toward me.

I'm struggling with my own feeling right now.

I totally have no idea how to behave to you.

I want to keep trying to be nice to you,

but I can't lie and fool my own feeling.

I don't want to pretend to be a nice person, when I'm NOT!

I'm now entering my static moment.

Stuck here by myself thinking of what can I do to make things better.

I know there must be something better God has prepared for me.

One day, with a smile on my face, I'd be able to say,

"Thank you, Lord for putting me in that situation back then!"

The "Reality" Show

So far, it's been an interesting Fall'08 Quarter.

In just a short period of time, a lot of things have happened.

A lot of dramas have happened.

Why does it seems like all those TV shows?

New students, seniors, new crushes, histories,

relationships, friendships, and third party.

I never knew that all these things are really happening.

I thought it's only happened in reality shows.

Oh well, maybe that's the reason why it called a REALITY shows!

Yet, I just still unable to accept that it's happening in my circle.

I just never knew that all these dramas that are

happening could be so irritating and so energy-consumed.

I never knew that it could be so complicated, and

thus raised HATRED amongst us.

Honestly, I have been really tired of all these things.

I almost left it behind a while ago.

I almost been able to say that it's THE END!

However, the new season has come.

I'm forced to play another role.

A role that i don't want to be.

A role that I'm forced to be in it.

During the premiere of this new season,

I have been a "Hear no Evil, See no Evil, & Speak no Evil"

type of person.

But, this new season of drama has sucked me back in.

I really hate REALITY shows!

I have been in it for so long, that I've become so consumed by it.

When the new season came,

I thought I could left it all behind.

I just want to live a life where I can be HAPPY and

shed NO more "emotional" TEARS.

When will it come to THE END??

Am I not patient enough, so God keep putting me in this REALITY shows?

Maybe it is!! God is training me to be a person

who will have a similar characters like He Himself.

I should have just be able to stand still a little bit more,

and not be consumed with all the DRAMAS that are happening.

I should be mature and just be myself.

Being a person who is able to talk easily to new people,

and be friendly.

The PROBLEM is not within me.

Why do I am able to talk to all these new people,

and we can easily be engage in a conversation,

and build friendship through it?

But not to this one person??

Is it me who was wrong?

Or is it this person?

Whatever it takes, as long as you haven't done anything illogical,

I'll try my best to be friendly to you,

and LOVE you as my SISTER.

It's going to be HARD,

since it's me ALONE here who's trying.

You keep standing on the other side,

and not even have the DESIRE to TRY.

But it's OK because I believe that one day you'll be changed,

and finally understand that it's not just about fulfilling

your own WORLDLY DESIRE.

But it's more about our SISTERHOOD in CHRIST...

I [hEaRt] you, Sister...

sCaRs

It's because of my own stupidity

That now I have a scar on my body
A scar that will never fade away
A scar that will always remind me of my own stupidity
A scar that will always remind me of how painful it is when it landed on my skin

It's also because of my own stupidity

That now I have a scar in my heart

It will never be as perfect as before

It will make me see love in a different way

Yet, this scar will always reminds me
Of how beautiful love was
Of how beautiful love is
Of how beautiful love will be

At first, I was scared to fall in love again
Because it has hurt me deeply inside
But, what will my life be without love?


Love is the thing that keeps me alive
Love has made me strong
Love has helped me to recover
Love has taught me how to make the person you love happy
Love has made me realize that,
you don't have to be with the person you love to be happy
Love has made me grow

I am now not afraid to fall in love again
I am now ready to love myself more
I am now ready to love everyone unconditionally
I will keep spreading out my love to all people around me
I will keep my heart alive, always ^^

kEnanGan maniS

Di saat itu aku ada
Di saat ini aku tak ada
Aku tak mau lagi ada
Berjalan bersamamu menyenangkanku
Berjalan bersamaku menyakitimu
Aku akan berjalan menjauh
Pergi dari hari-harimu
Meninggalkanmu berdiri sendiri

Biarkan kenangan itu menjadi kenangan manis
Kenangan manis yang akan selalu membuatku tersenyum
dikala aku mengingatnya
Kenangan manis yang akan selalu kuingat

Terima kasih di saat itu kamu ada
Terima kasih telah meninggalkan senyum dalam hari-hariku
Terima kasih atas semua perhatianmu
Terima kasih kamu telah menuntunku
Terima kasih telah menjadikan aku seperti yang sekarang
Terima kasih untuk semua kenangan itu
Terima kasih cinta...

mOvinG On

It took me days after days, weeks after weeks, and months after months to get to where I am right now.
It is now when I finally gave up protecting what I have.
It is now when I finally get out from my comfort zone, a very comfortable zone.
Inside the comfort zone, I have learned a lot of things, things that I'm sure will turn me into a better person.
Also inside the comfort zone, I have learned to give all my love, the unconditional love.

Yet, this love I gave has hurt the person I love.
Giving you all the attention was a mistake.
Making you dependent.
And unable to socialize.
Taking you to the wrong circle of friends.

Coming out from the comfort zone will hurt me deeply for a while,
but I believe that everything will be better afterwards.
If in the end we will be happy, then the tears I've shed will be worth it.
I will keep doing what I'm doing right now.
Keep MOVING ON...


PS: I Love You...

LeTtinG gO oF oFFensEs

"(You should) be exceedingly glad on this account, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, so that of your faith may be tested, which is infinitely more precious than the perishable gold which is tested and purified by fire. To redound to praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" - 1Peter1:6-7

After reading this verses, i become understand that every time I am tempted to be offended and upset, my FAITH is being tried; to test the QUALITY in me.

Every relationship test is an opportunity to glorify the work of GOD in me as a testimony to those watching me endure the offense.

Sadly, i am still unable to be a good living testimony for people around me. When i was fighting with my friend, i was still bragging and complaining about why we fought over things to my other friends. I became so emotional and easily offended. When we fought, i will suddenly became an unhappy person, i can suddenly be a person who looked like having a lot of bitterness inside of me.

However, i am now really in the process of changing to be a better person. I really don't want to get easily offended and upset. I want to be a person who is able to glorify the work of God in me as a testimony to those watching me endure the offense. HE promised that nothing will harm us in any way, for God is letting the temptations to come in order to test my FAITH in Him and glorify His name through it. I know for sure that HE will give me the energy i need to treat people right...

Tough LovE

Where am i right now?
Which state am i in?

Tough week
Learning the Tough Love
Learning with tears
Til' no more tears can be shed

A week of pretending to be happy
A week of questions
A week of disappointment
A week of anger
A week of fake smiles
A week of reflection
A week to learn the Tough Love

Waking up from the sweet dreams
Time to face the reality
Time to be more mature
Time to sacrifice own feelings
Time to care for others
Time to do some actions
Time to learn the Tough Love

Thank you for teaching me the Tough Love
Loving You is the sweetest thing
Loving You giving me hope
Loving You give me encouragement
Loving You make me strong
Loving You make me grow
Loving You is like breathing
I will never stop loving You

yOu bELoNg

You are a member of a very special group: the church of Jesus Christ.
The people in this group care about you.
They will support you when you're down and
help you when doing right seems hard.
They love you, and you love them.
You're family ^^

PS: i Love U..!!